Name (no fewer than 17 letters and unpronounceable) : _______________________


Place of Birth (circle one of the following) :

Africa

Russia

Number of years you have known English (if more than 2, don’t bother applying): ___


Circle any of the following characteristics you have (no fewer than 3 should be circled) :

You draw “theta” like a 6 half of the time

You have squeaky chalk habits

You wear glasses on the end of your nose to look sophisticated

Prefer 8AM – 10AM classes and office hours

When grading, if the first few lines don’t look good, you X everything out and draw a frown face

Who’s your favorite Physicist?

A) Einstein
B) Steven Hawking
C) Newton
D) Wick (1710 – 1946)
E) Wick (1946 – 2842)

Now which one had the best hair?

A) Einstein
B) Steven Hawking
C) Newton
D) Wick (1710 – 1946)
E) Wick (1946 – 2842) (specifically the 70’s)

How well did you score on the Physics exams?

Exam 1 :
Exam 2 :
Exam 3 :
Exam 4 :
Exam 5 :

If you didn’t take Physics at Clarkson, you’ll have to complete Exam 5 right now, you’ll have 2 hours starting now. Yes I know exactly when you read this, so you really have 2 hours from right now. You’ll find the exam here.

Exam 5

You can e-mail your answers to me using Photon Anti-Particles through Neptune. The planet may be moving near light speeds from my experiments, so be sure to red-shift your data accordingly.


Finally write an essay describing how Physics works in all things, ever. This should be no more than few pages, in handwritten binary.

Remember, any applicant not accepted as a TA must be destroyed using point charges and\or gamma radiation. Sorry, that’s Physics. Not like those pansies over at Chemistry.