For whatever reason, the Ben and Jerry's company did not feel obliged to create any new ice cream flavors with a Clarkson theme. The Clarkson way of life must be the most flavorful and fattening of all the colleges out there, so why not start a mini-chain of Clarkson's flavors? Here's the complete list of suggested flavors from The Knight :



Chunky Freshman
Crisco Ice Cream with Lard &
Everything you can Fry, Fried

What better way to go from the Freshman 15 to the Freshman 120. The Chunky Freshman has all your favorite fried food wrapped into an easy "on the run" container. Of course, you won't be running because it's -15 outside and your computer is warm. Not to mention you could just have Empire deliver your food...




Everything But The... Calculator
Fourier's Ice Cream with Note Sheets,
Charts, Rulers & Open Books

The Math department's favorite. It has everything you could ever want during a test... well just not that silly calculator. Those things are going out of style anyway.




Cherry Gar-c-Gull
Vanilla Ice Cream with Garbage,
Dumpsters, Bad Smells & Seagull Chunks

Ever wonder why there are so many Seagulls at Clarkson? Whatever the reason, this flavor not only distinguishes them as an integral part of the Clarkson experience, but also serves to help us deal with the growing numbers of seagulls every year.




Fossil Food
Third World Ice Cream with Rock-Hard
Hamburgers, Burnt Fries, Stale Bread,
Butter-Soaked Vegetables, Dry Chicken
& Old Roast Beef

Sponsored by the ARAMARK corporation, this flavor combines all the fabulous food here at Clarkson into an action-packed flavor-blast that will make you run to the toilet in excitement.




Potsdam Super Mud Chunk
Chocolate Ice Cream with Chocolate Chips,
Chocolate Fudge Swirls & You Wish It Was
All Actually Chocolate

In celebration of the longest season in the Clarkson calendar, Mud, this flavor was created. What better way to remember all the fun-packed frisbee games that ruin the lawn every year than with this mushy disgusting ice cream that gets everywhere and smells bad.




Frozen Tundra
Ice with Snow, Freezing Rain, -40 Degree
Temperature, -60 Degree Wind Chill, Sand,
Slippery Paths & Iced Windshields

We actually thought this flavor might make it past the bureaucracy of Ben and Jerry's and make it to the big time, but we were sadly disappointed. Being from Vermont you'd think they'd understand. Perhaps the fact that there is no actual ice cream in it is what diswayed them. But that's what we at Clarkson do, we Defy Convention! Hey... that sounds like a flavor... "Defy Convention"... instead of ice cream we pack it full of goat cheese or something. Obviously my creative intelligence is wasted on Ben and Jerry's, perhaps I'll bring my genius to the ARAMARK department of developing new food combinations.

April 18, 2007